Educated Idiots

Posted: 2012-05-11 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

A strange phenomena I’ve noticed is the trend of “educated idiots,” as I like to call them:  The kinds of kids who half-assedly do online research on longboards, get half a clue of what they’re looking for, and then take that half a clue as absolute gospel.  They come storming in, dropping buzzwords du jour, asking about the trendiest products, and airing their seeming snobbery all around.  Case in point:  The “Absolute Best For Sliding” board guy from yesterday…and some kids today.  These kids know just enough to be dangerous, and just enough to raise my blood pressure.  I try to be as helpful as I can; I’ve had enough poor experiences at skateshops to know what not to do, so I try to do the best I can for everyone.  But, the “Educated Idiots” just won’t have any of it.

It was one kid’s birthday, and he was in with his friend.  I have no idea of their names, so for the sake of the story, I’ll call birthday boy “Esposito,” and his friend “Wilhelm.”  Esposito comes in and says “I want a Tan Tien,” so I grabbed him one, and he said “No, the other one!”  I grabbed one for him, the right one this time, and him and Wilhelm start chattering like chipmunks on cocaine about what the hell to put on the board.  They covered EVERY damn aspect of the board, from the width of the neck at the drop-through, to the brand of griptape on the kicktails (and whether or not the kicktails would hold up, because a large dude posted on a skate website about one breaking).  They ask me which trucks to put on, so I tell ’em…then they argue with me.  Because, online, the boards have Grizzly trucks.  At this point, I’m just like “Whatevs,” so I slap some Grizzlies on there for Esposito…it’s his money, and I’m just the shop monkey.  Wilhelm and Esposito start chattering about wheels next.  Esposito tells me he wants some Orangatangs for sliding.  I ask if he wants any other wheels, by doing my salesman job and pointing out that Orangatangs are not the end-all be-all of longboard wheels, and that he could save between $10 and $20 by choosing other options.  Wilhelm interrupts me and tells me that I’m wrong, and that purple Orangatangs are the best wheels for sliding, and that’s that…He read it on the aforementioned skate website.  Then, the kids started arguing over bearings.  I just gave up trying to give them cheap options by that point, so I showed them the most expensive bearings they had…again, Wilhelm chimed in (once again, citing the skate website) and saying that these other bearings (Bones Super Reds) are the best.  By this time, I was extremely irritated at this kid’s know-it-all attitude, but I wanted to give Esposito what he wanted, so I bit my tongue and kept working.  I told the kids that I was a frequent visitor to the site, and that the bushings on Esposito’s trucks weren’t the best…One more time, Wilhelm corrected me saying that I didn’t know what I was talking about, the skate website was wrong in this case, he had the trucks, and the bushings were AWESOME!  I couldn’t take the stupid anymore, so I just hunkered down and kept assembling the board.  Then, old Wilhelm dropped the biggest nugget of idiocy I have seen at the skateshop to date.  He specifically called out the skate website by name (named after a common household pest; see the tags of this post if you’re still stuck) by saying “Loaded boards are the best.  People who hate on them on S********h are just jealous because they can’t afford the best board, and I can.  They haters say they’re too expensive, but they’re just jealous.”

I nearly shat myself right then.  It was all I could do to not blow up at Wilhelm’s supreme idiocy, so I just gritted my teeth, smiled at the kids,and handed Esposito his board, sending them on their way with a “Have a great day!”

I know as a shop clerk, the customer is always right.  But that doesn’t mean I have to bend at the whim of every customer.  Yes, they’re right in that they know what they want in a board; it’s not on me to convince them otherwise.  It’s my job to get them the board they want, and the board they’ll have the most fun on.  And yes, Esposito and Wilhelm really wanted a damn Loaded…for the name and presumed prestige.  But, it really bugs me how unreceptive some people can get when presented other (better, cheaper) options, especially when I can physically prove right then and there in the shop that the alternates are better and/or cheaper.  Thanks again for letting me rant, internet.  I really appreciate it.

  1. […] rarely genuinely stoked, except for getting the most expensive board possible for their kid.  Wilhelm and Esposito were examples of kids of the rich money throwers.  We apparently had a rich money thrower in last […]

  2. […] time, the College Freshman walks in with a group of (guy) friends who all fall into the category of Educated Idiot, which does make things quite difficult.  College Freshman is just trying to find herself a nice […]

  3. […] bit nutty as users get stir-crazy in the winter months.  Every spring, a bunch of know-it-alls and Educated Idiots come out of the woodwork and argue with everyone.  Summer begins with more newbies asking […]

  4. […] September 21, 2017, the website went dark.  It’s not the first skateboard forum to go bye-bye, and it won’t be the […]

  5. […] rustle any more jimmies.  I mean, there are posts designed to rustle jimmies and there are posts aimed at specific people, but the post in question was truly and sincerely not meant to do […]

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