Pretentious Hipster Douchebags

Posted: 2012-10-28 in Uncategorized
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One of the most unique things about a skateshop inside a guitar shop is the clientele that each shop attracts.  Both shops attract their own breed of hipsters, poseurs, snobs, and enthusiasts.  Sometimes the clientele overlaps to the other shop, which can be fun sometimes.  I know that I’ve taken a greater interest in guitar playing because of working in the shop, and one of the guitar guys has reignited his interest in skateboarding as well.  However, as was the case yesterday, we had some pretentious assholes that fit into both groups.

This huge group of hipster assholes came clamoring into the shop yesterday, huddled around our boards and taking measurements off of our stock so they could build their own.  This is generally frowned upon for the same reason it’s frowned upon to bring your own ingredients to a restaurant to have the cook prepare.  They seemed to ignore me when I asked if I could help them, until the ringleader told me he needed some hardware.  I obliged him, then he started asking if we had some Skanunu bearing lube.  I told him we did not, and he proceeded to lecture me on why Skanunu was the best.  For those that don’t know, Skanunu has detergent built in, which cleans a skateboard bearing then evaporates leaving an oily finish behind…An excellent short-term solution, but not match for a proper bearing cleaning.  He told me that Bones Speed Cream took 2 days of riding to break in.  Now, Bones Speed Cream is the de-facto bearing lube that nearly every bearing manufacturer recommends…It takes an hour or so to break in, but this asshat absolutely insisted it took 2-3 days, and that he could put Skanunu in and it would “clean as he skated.”

He then began name-dropping his “sponsors.”  As a seeming hybrid of the Perpetual Arguer and the Epic Brand Snob, he couldn’t keep his sponsors to himself.  Now, as a shop, we’ve been trying to get his wheel sponsor in the shop, but the company has been less than responsive.  I brought this up with the PHD, who promptly turned it right around on us.  He then told me that we should carry Rey Trucks, mentioned in this post.  I told him that I had brought those trucks up to the shop owner, because it would be damn cool to carry ’em, but the fact of the matter is that the trucks are too expensive for our customer base.  Which, I also told the PHD.  He responded that $130 trucks are much less expensive than $400 trucks, and that we could get a lot of business from people by selling Michigan-only boards.  In a comedic twist, the PHD showed his true pretentiousness by saying that he only buys Michigan-based companies, and that he “had” to shop at our store now, because he knows we’re there (and presumably, his pretentious hipsterness won’t let him shop online).

Now, this ties in with the guitar store as well.  Apparently this guy and his herd of hipster followers do the same damn thing to the guitar shop as well.  They’ve been known to interrupt our sales staff to interject their “expertise” into any sales pitches, by giving bits of faux-advice (that is, bits of bullshit that are not helpful at all to anyone buying a guitar) and justifying it by saying “Oh, I give guitar lessons.”  This particular group is apparently such a problem that the guitar guys have contemplated kicking them out of the store for being so damn obnoxious.

I commend their fatalistic loyalty, I really do.  And, I’ve obviously given a lot of thought into the Michigan-based companies, but it’s not something that a small shop such as ours can sustain with our current model…Maybe in a year or two if this longboard thing has proven to be a long-term “thing” instead of just a flash-in-the-pan fad.

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