Just Plain Clueless

This weekend brought out a new customer stereotype.  I don’t want to say they were Cluelessly Curious, because they weren’t really curious at all.  They were just plain clueless.  Not a big deal, since it’s my job to decipher what the customer wants, and set them up appropriately.  But, it was a bit shocking having two doozies dropped on me in one afternoon.

The first girl gets a bye, since she was 10ish years old.  But, the story’s a gem, nonetheless.  It seems her and her father had purchased a blue, cheap, Krown complete from us last year.  It wasn’t keeping up with her brother’s Z-Flex longboard, so she wanted something faster.  I gave my whole pitch, going over all the various shapes, and trying to get her a board she’d like.  Of course, dad was right there making sure she didn’t make a poor purchase, and over-analyzing everything about every board.  The girl had picked out a drop deck with purple wheels, since she loved the purple wheels.  But, the quality wasn’t much higher than the Krown board she already owned, and the board was vastly inappropriate for what she wanted to do anyway.  I showed her several options, but she kept going back to that board (that was nearly as large as she was) because she liked the purple wheels.  Naturally, she just couldn’t get the same Z-Flex board as her brother, so that was out of the question…And, her dad wouldn’t let her spend any more than that.  So, after much hemming and hawing, they settled on keeping her existing board, and upgrading the wheels and bearings.  This was a whole new ordeal in itself, since the girl wanted purple wheels.  We sell Orangatang wheels, which I don’t personally care for, but they come in purple.  The dad was asking me exactly which wheels I’d recommend, so I pointed them towards Abec11 wheels, which I absolutely LOVE.  But, that was a no-go because they were green.  By this time, I was growing weary of all the shenanigans, so I began fudging some things.  The dad asked if the purple O’tangs were fast, and I said that they were…When asked what made them faster than the aforementioned Abec 11’s, I sorta stammered something about how they’re higher rebound and give more energy.  By this time, the girl had decided on the complete board again, so her dad peeled her off of it, and they eventually did purchase the wheels and some new bearings, and left the store.

The second group consisted of 2 sisters, a mother, and a grandmother.  The two daughters looked all angsty, and didn’t say anything, so the grandma did most of the talking.  She simply asked me what wheels were the best.  “For what?” I replied.  “For just learning,” said the grandmother.  I asked “What kind of skating?  Are we doing tricks, or just cruising around?”  The grandmother retorted “Just learning,” before telling her granddaughters to pick out some wheels.  The one said “Oh, I want those blue ones,” pointing to some Bones SPF’s, which are some of the slipperiest wheels I’ve ever ridden, and not good for anything but the smoothest, cleanest surface out there.  I told her that, and the granddaughter said “Oh, I want those then,” as she pointed to some more appropriate Spitfires.  Again, I asked if they were going to be doing tricks, or just cruising around.  The granddaughter replied “Just learning,” which left me back at square one.  After going through about 6 different sets of Spitfires, and telling her the advantages and disadvantages of each, she finally settled on some Streetburners.  The mother was getting anxious and tired of being around that dumbass behind the counter that obviously couldn’t magically read her daughter’s mind and tell them exactly what they wanted, so it was great that the second daughter just pointed at “those blue wheels in the case.”  Unfortunately, we had about 3 sets of blue wheels, so naturally, it was the last set I picked up to show her.  The mother was getting more and more visibly irritated, so they all left, with the mother nearly in a huff.  I was sitting there, dumbfounded, at why these 4 ladies were so angry, seemingly at me.  I honestly don’t think they knew how deep the ‘rabbit hole’ of skateboarding truly went, nor did they want to hear it.  But, I had to remind myself that they weren’t angry at me personally, they were just angry at the idiot behind the counter.

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Attractive Females

Pardon my mis-spelling in the title.  One thing I’ve wanted to blog about for a while is the really hot ladies we get in the shop.  I don’t want to make this out to be at all perverted or creepy, so I’m not going to post any pics, names, or other personal stuff.  By the nature of the topic of attractive females, this is going to be slightly creepy, but it is what it is.  I’m just posting this to appreciate some of my favorite customers.

First type of attractive female I’m going to cover is the classic MILF.  Usually, they’re in buying a birthday gift for a son or daughter.  I have no idea what it is, but the MILF is usually quite warm and friendly.  Maybe they’re sexy and they know it (thank you, LMFAO) and just want to buddy up to the shop monkey to get a discount.  Maybe they’re just used to being treated like royalty.  But, they’re usually the first to make jokes about their age (“Oh, we rode these 70’s boards when I was a kid!”).  I have no idea if they’re trying to fish for compliments or what, but honestly, none of these ladies look like they rode a 70’s board when they were kids…at least, not the super-narrow hardwood or fiberglass ones they talk about.  I could see, for most of them, a late 1970’s pig shape, but that’s about it.  From my Parents post, the MILFs usually fall into the category of Those That Just Don’t Get It, or possibly Rich Money Throwers.  Very rarely is a MILF Genuinely Stoked…in fact, I have yet to meet a Genuinely Stoked MILF.  I know they’re out there, somewhere, because I’ve seen pics of girls riding boards in the 70’s and 80’s, but I just haven’t met any.

The second type of attractive female is the College Freshman.  They’re young (obviously), hip to trends and fads right now, and usually have Daddy’s credit card.  Since longboards (and those damn-ass-bitch-whore Penny boards) are quite fashionable right now, the College Freshman is usually buying something as a fashion accessory.  But, I quite enjoy the tight t-shirts and short shorts…aaaaaand that sounded really damn creepy.  College Freshmen usually fall into Cluelessly Curious Customers and are usually pretty fun to serve.  They want the best, but don’t know exactly what they want, but are willing to work with me and make a few compromises.  Most of the time, the College Freshman walks in with a group of (guy) friends who all fall into the category of Educated Idiot, which does make things quite difficult.  College Freshman is just trying to find herself a nice board, and I honestly try to get her on the best board possible, but her Educated Idiot boyfriends keep getting in my way.  As a result, I’ve just learned to shut my mouth and let them figure stuff out on their own.

The third type of attractive female we get in is the Preppy High Schooler.  They’re like bananas, they roll in bunches.  They’re used to waggling their chesticles at all the high school guys and getting what they want, but that’s fuckin’ weird and doesn’t work on me.  So, they usually get angry and leave.  Unless they’re rolling in a bunch of high school Educated Idiots.  Then, the group of friends turns into a Perpetual Arguer and the whole thing goes downhill (not in the cool, fast, longboard way either).

Some of my favorite female customers are the semi-attractive down-to-earth girls.  They’re confident enough to swing in solo; no herds of estrogen here.  They’ll listen to my advice, and are usually willing to compile all the information and make their own decisions.  And, they’re not super stuck-up either.  They’re very calm and cool, and don’t need skanky clothes or anything.  The usual attire is a nice t-shirt, and maybe some jeans or jean shorts.  These are the types of girls that make you want to take ’em out for coffee and discuss politics or something.  Unfortunately, these are the rarest of the attractive customers.  They’re vastly outnumbered by Preppies and Freshmen.

Like I said, the point of this post wasn’t to be creepy or anything, in any way.  I just wanted to show appreciation for the fairer sex, when they enter my shop.